Madness of the Heart | Disappearance of Govinda Maharaj

BSG: ...a song that's very much identifiable with him. [Śaraṇāgati: Dainya, Song 7]
[sings]
emona durmati, saṁsāra bhitore,
poṙiyā āchinu āmi
tava nija-jana, kono mahājane,
pāṭhāiyā dile tumi
doyā kori' more, patita dekhiyā,
kohilo āmāre giyā
ohe dīna-jana, śuno bhālo kathā,
ullasita ha'be hiyā
tomāre tārite, śrī-kṛṣṇa-caitanya,
navadwīpe avatār
tomā heno koto, dīna hīna jane,
korilena bhava-pār
vedera pratijñā, rākhibāra tare,
rukma-varna vipra-suta
mahāprabhu nāme, nadīyā mātāya,
saṅge bhāi avadhūta
nanda-suta jini, caitanya gosāi,
nija-nāma kori' dān
tārilo jagat, tumi-o jāiyā,
loho nija-paritrān
se kathā śuniyā, āsiyāchi, nātha!
tomāra caraṇa-tale
bhakativinoda, kāṅdiyā kāṅdiyā,
āpana-kāhinī bole
emona durmati, saṁsāra bhitore,
poṙiyā āchinu āmi
tava nija-jana, kono mahājane,
pāṭhāiyā dile tumi

hare kṛṣṇa hare kṛṣṇa
kṛṣṇa kṛṣṇa hare hare/
hare rāma hare rāma
rāma rāma hare hare
nitai-gaura hari bol
hari bol hari bol hari bol
nitai-gaura hari bol

Jaya oṁ viṣṇupāda śrīla bhakti sundāra govindadeva gosvāmī tirobhāva mahā-mahotsava tithi kī, jaya!
Jaya oṁ viṣṇupāda paramahaṁsa parivrājakācārya aṣṭottara-śata śrī śrīmad śrīla bhakti sundāra govindadeva gosvāmī mahārāja kī, jaya!
Jaya oṁ viṣṇupāda śrīla bhakti rakṣaka śrīdharadeva gosvāmī mahārāja kī, jaya!
Bhagavān śrīla bhaktisiddhānta sarasvati ṭhākura kī, jaya!
Jaya sa-parikara śrī śrī guru-gaurāṅga, govinda-sundāra jiu kī, jaya!
Śrī girirāja-govardhana kī, jaya!
Śrī rūpānuga guru-varga kī, jaya!
Nāmācārya śrīla haridāsa ṭhākura kī, jaya!
Śrī-kṛṣṇa-caitanya prabhu-nityānanda
śrī-advaita gadādhara śrīvāsādi-gaura-bhakta-vṛnda kī, jaya!
Śrī śrī rādhā-kṛṣṇa gopa-gopīnātha śyāma-kuṇḍa
rādhā-kuṇḍa giri-govardhana kī, jaya
Vṛndāvana-dhāma kī, jaya
Navadvīpa-dhāma kī, jaya
Śrī caitanya-sārasvata maṭha kī, jaya!
Śrī gupta govardhana kī, jaya!
Gaṅgā devī, yamunā devī, bhakti devī, tulāsī devi kī, jaya!
Oṁ viṣṇupāda viśva vareṇya śrīla a.c. bhaktivedānta svāmī prabhupāda kī, jaya!
Śrī caitanya-sārasvata maṭha ācārya-vṛnda kī, jaya!
Jaya śrīla bhakti vimala Avadhūta mahārāja kī, jaya!
Sevaka-vṛnda kī, jaya!
Samavetā bhakta-vṛnda kī, jaya!
Nitai-gaura premānande, hari hari bol!
Audience: Śrīla bhakti sudhīra gosvāmī mahārāja kī, jaya!

BSG: [aside] Hare Kṛṣṇa. Yes, stay in the Milo zone. Hare Kṛṣṇa, good. He may move to a cooler area. Hare Kṛṣṇa.
In the rāmānanda-saṁvāda, Mahāprabhu, He’s inquiring from Rāmānanda asking different pertinent questions in which all proper deep Kṛṣṇa conceptions, siddhānta is expressed. And Mahāprabhu says to him, “What is in your estimation the most unbearable unhappiness?” And the answer he gives, he says, kṛṣṇa-bhakta-viraha vinā duḥkha nāhi dekhi para [Śrī Caitanya-caritāmṛta, Madhya-līlā 8.248], says, “Separation from the devotee, this is the most unbearable happiness… unhappiness.” And this is noteworthy for various reasons, but interestingly, he doesn’t say in this context, “Separation from Kṛṣṇa, that is the most unbearable unhappiness, most unbearable suffering.” Says separation from His devotee.
And we know here, perfect siddhānta is being expressed, then we would have to ask ourselves, “Why?” And the immediate response is because without the devotee, your Kṛṣṇa conception is suspect. It is not substantial. It could be imaginary. We don’t know what it is.

In Gurudeva’s presence on his appearance day, or Guru Mahāraja… one of these days, I said, quoting Guru Mahārāja, but he asked me to say something in his presence, and I said, “We are so guru-centric and dependent upon guru that if Kṛṣṇa Himself comes before us, we will ask our guru, “Is that Kṛṣṇa?” Say, “How reliant?” That’s how reliant we are.
Kṛṣṇa Himself comes before you. We turn to guru and say, “Is that Kṛṣṇa?” I could be deceived. I can’t verify whether that’s Kṛṣṇa or not. So, do you say that’s Kṛṣṇa? So, when I said this that we will ask our gurudeva he went, * claps *. He started applauding. That’s how important this concept is to us.
And I reflect back on the time when His Divine Grace Śrīla A.C. Bhaktivedānta Svāmī Prabhupāda had left the world, and we were grossly… no one is ever prepared to deal with that, but we were particularly grossly unprepared in the sense like orphaned children. Even the most senior devotees had only been devotees for a relatively few years. Because the movement starting in earnest, ‘67, ‘68. Prabhupāda leaves in ‘77. There was a movement of 10 years. His oldest disciple had been around for 10 years. And this was not in our saṁskāra, our background. We weren’t raised in the vaiṣṇava tradition. So we’re learning everything on the fly, and it was Gauṙīya Vaiṣṇavism, transplanted into the Western world. Many considerations.

So when that time came, we were unable to with any sense of substance and maturity and experience how to express what we were feeling. And Śrīla Prabhupāda, as we gradually came to know and understand, that his senior disciples did inquire from him in his final days, “What are we to do in the aftermath of your disappearance?”
That’s when he said, “When the necessity arises, to consult with higher devotees, then you should approach Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja, who, what to speak of you, I consider him to be my śikṣā-guru. So when the necessity arises to consult higher authority, you go to him.” [See Also: Letter to Hṛṣīkeśa January, 31st, 1969]

So, Prabhupāda left in November 1977, so November, December, January, February, within three, four months, at the time of Gaura-pūrṇimā, the leading devotees, as a body approached Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja, and not whimsically, but on Prabhupāda’s council, his advice. And it’s at that time, they wanted to ask Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja so many questions about the intricacies of guru-disciple relationship. First initiation, second initiation, sannyāsa, dīkṣā-guru, śikṣā-guru, so many pressing matters, but when I listened to the tape recordings of Śrīla Guru Mahārāja’s answers, I noticed he began, before they asked him any questions, he began by addressing this topic. The disappearance of the guru, which in retrospect, we can see, “Of course.” It’s almost like, “They don’t even know to ask.” That’s how unprepared, inexperienced we were. But he, being the wisest of all, he begins his talk on this subject. Before they can ask or… ask him so many questions.

And Śrīla Guru Mahārāja to give some context to the disappearance of the guru, and this was later visually, graphically represented by Śrīla Gurudeva in the logo of Sri Caitanya Saraswat Math. Guru Mahārāja began with this example, saying… giving a comparison of how to understand, “Kṛṣṇa, guru and disciple.” So, he said, “The disciple is like a lotus flower, and the guru is like the water on which the lotus is situated.” One of the Sanskrit words for lotus… there are many, padma, kamala, paṅkaja --- that’s close to this, but one is ambuja. Means, “Who’s born from the water.”
So, the lotus needs to be situated in the water; it springs out of there. And we’re told in this context, “There’s the sun, the lotus and the water. Kṛṣṇa’s like the sun, disciple’s like the lotus and the guru is like the water.” So, he’s saying, “Just like that lotus, when it’s situated in the water, the hot sun nourishes the lotus. The sun is very intense. It’s 150,000,000 kilometers away, and we will say, ‘Oh, it’s too hot.’” It’s 150,000,000 kilometers away, and we’re sweating. And with science and other ways, we know how intense is the sun. What is the magnitude of intensity of giving heat and light. So, here it’s saying, “That lotus situated safely in the waters. The śiṣya lotus situated safely in the āśraya-vigraha waters of Śrī Guru, then the Kṛṣṇa sun is nourishing the lotus. And just as here, remove the lotus from the water, and the very sun burns the lotus.” So he said, “The discple-lotus in the absence of the sheltering waters of the lotus feet of Śrī Guru, the Kṛṣṇa sun burns the lotus.”

We are unable to withstand the intensity of direct connection and interaction with Kṛṣṇa. We need to be safely situated in the waters of āśraya-vigraha Śrī Gurudeva. That’s when Guru Mahārāja gave this example comparing Kṛṣṇa to the sun, disciple to the lotus, guru to the water, and it’s in the maṭha logo, presented by Gurudeva, where he has in addition to that, gāyatrī muralīṣṭa-kīrtanna-dhanaṁ rādhāpadaṁ dhīmahi. Showing the flute of Kṛṣṇa and the flute-song of Kṛṣṇa is singing the glories of the lotus feet of Śrīmati Rādhārāṇī, who is the ultimate conception of guru in this line.
In the beginning we’re told Kṛṣṇa… to see guru as Kṛṣṇa:
sākṣād-dharitvena samasta-śāstrair
uktas tathā bhāvyata eva sadbhiḥ
[Gurvāṣṭakam Verse 7]
Right? That, sākṣād means directly, so
ācāryaṁ māṁ vijānīyān
navamanyeta karhicit
[Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam 11.17.27]
We see although he’s the vaiṣṇava, but we detect gurutva, the guru-kṛṣṇa’s presence. So, we’re recognizing particular vaiṣṇava as guru, and that’s on the advice of Kṛṣṇa. It is no less than Kṛṣṇa, Himself who is saying “...to see guru as My very self.”
ācāryaṁ māṁ vijānīyān
navamanyeta karhicit
na martya-buddhyāsūyeta

Don’t see him from an objective point of view. As a human being, a man with so many imperfections, but see divine delegation. But, we’re told that from day one in spiritual life. See guru, Kṛṣṇa’s agent, agency of divine revelation. When it says
sākṣād-dharitvena samasta-śāstrair
uktas tathā bhāvyata eva sadbhiḥ
Then says, kintu, but upon closer scrutiny, a more refined conception, more intimate, kintu prabhor yaḥ priya:
kintu prabhor yaḥ priya eva tasya
vande guroḥ śrī-caraṇāravindam
On closer scrutiny, Guru Mahārāja says the shift goes from Kṛṣṇa to His potency. That means prabhu-priya. In a general sense, we say, “Oh guru, the vaiṣṇava, most dear to Kṛṣṇa. See guru as most dear to Kṛṣṇa.” But here, of all those who are dear to Kṛṣṇa, who is the most dear? Prabhu-priya. That means Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī. The ultimate conception of guru is Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī and she is transacting all service to Kṛṣṇa. And we see in our gurudeva, Rādhārāṇī’s delegation.

So, he has there, the sun, the lotus the water and then the flute, singing the glories of the service of the lotus feet of Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī. So, how perfect that is. That with the legend, gāyatrī muralīṣṭa-kīrtanna-dhanaṁ rādhāpadaṁ dhīmahi. The flute-song of Kṛṣṇa is singing the glories of the service of the lotus feet of Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī. So, Guru Mahārāja gave this example in the beginning of his talk. So, think about that. He’s counseling those who recently… most recently lost, suffered the disappearance of their guru. And then, generally when we would think of separation, we think of the śikṣāṣṭakam of Mahāprabhu. He says:
yugāyitaṁ nimeṣeṇa cakṣuṣā prāvṛṣāyitam
śūnyāyitaṁ jagat sarvaṁ govinda-viraheṇa me
[Śikṣāṣṭakam, Verse 7]

Govinda-viraha. That’s one of the reasons we requested that be given a prominent position on the samādhī of Śrīla Gurudeva. Govinda-viraha means separation from Kṛṣṇa. But Govinda-viraha meaning separation from His Divine Grace, Śrīla Oṁ Viṣṇupāda Śrīla Bhakti Sundara Govindadeva Gosvāmī Mahārāja. So, there Mahāprabhu is saying, “Feeling Your separation, a moment feels like a yuga.” You know. Indeterminable amount of time, and saying, “I’m seeing the world as being void.” That’s śūnya. Śūnyāyitaṁ jagat sarvaṁ. Seeing the world as vacant, void.
Nothing of value to be found there. That is what comes from Mahāprabhu in Śikṣāṣṭakam. But Guru Mahārāja said, in the case of Raghunātha dāsa Gosvāmī, as expressed in his Vilāpa-kusumāñjali this lament in separation. He takes it to another level when he says:
śūnyāyate mahā-goṣṭhaṁ girīndro 'jagarāyate
vyāghra-tuṇḍāyate kuṇḍaṁ jīvātu-rahitasya me
[Śrī Stavāvali, Volume 4, Text 11]

That void, emptiness, he’s saying actually “Without You, what was formerly the source of my inspiration, now appears to be antagonistic to me.” So what is that, he’s saying? Two places: One Govardhana. We know dāsa Gosvāmī is nija nikaṭa nivāsa dehī govardhana tvām. He’s... Govardhana’s considered the representation of Kṛṣṇa. So, that, he’s saying, “It appears like a… now what was the worshipable object of my aspiration, that hill of govardhana, which is Kṛṣṇa Himself, now in separation from You...” And this is a direct prayer to Rādhārāṇī. Mahāprabhu, we can say there Govinda-viraha to Kṛṣṇa. Now, here, direct prayer to Rādhārāṇī. The shift has taken place. Guru conception of Rādhārāṇī. He’s saying, “In the absence of You, without connection with You, now it appears like a giant python, coming to swallow me. And Rādhā-kuṇḍa, that holy of holiest places, the service aspiration...” Saying it appears like a tigers gaping jaws coming to devour me. So, Guru Mahārāja draws this contrast here.
In one respect, seeing as void, here as not only void, but antagonistic. Saying these sort of feelings will descend in the heart of the servitor, and with regard to direct prayer to Śrīmati Rādhārāṇī, Raghunātha dāsa Gosvāmī, has in the same line of thought:
āśā-bharair amṛta-sindhu-mayaiḥ kathañcit
kālo mayātigamitaḥ kila sāmprataṁ hi
tvaṁ cet kṛpāṁ mayi vidhāsyasi naiva kiṁ me
prāṇair vrajena ca varoru bakāriṇāpi
[Vilāpa-kusumāñjali, Verse 102]

Again, Guru Mahārāja said this is a direct prayer to Rādhārāṇī. That means, we think, “How is that possible?” or, “How can that be appropriate?” As guru. Because we’ll think, “Well, why not Kṛṣṇa?” Means, the ultimate representation of guru. And he’s saying, “My...” “āśā-bharair amṛta-sindhu” “My aspiration, what gives meaning to my life, is the prospect of service to your holy lotus feet, and if that’s removed from me, then what remains is of no apparent value to me. What remains? My so-called life?” That’s prāṇa. Prāṇe. Says, “My life is only meaningful in connection with You. Without You, what is the purpose of my life? What is it’s meaning?” And then, he says, “What…” “And what is more valuable than my life?”
Normally, when we speak of self-consideration, self-preservation, we think, “What could be more valuable than your own life?” This is… how can we conceive this? Because at heart of the matter, self-pres… we’re thinking, “No, my life is the most valuable.” Sometimes, we hear, and the expression of parental love, someone, they say “No. My child is more important than my life. Without that child, my life...” There’s the beginning of this type of sentiment, but here, he’s saying, “What’s more valuable than my life?”
As we told last night, vaikuṇṭhera pṛthivy-ādi sakala cinmaya. [Śrī Caitanya-caritāmṛta Ādī-līlā 5.53] The spiritual world, that soil is of higher stuff than ourselves. It’s more valuable. So, he’s saying, “Braja.” Braja means Vṛndāvana: The land of Kṛṣṇa, of our service aspiration. He’s saying, “Without You, that… that’s not real to me. It’s… what would I do there? It’s of no apparent value to me. It only becomes meaningful in connection with you.” This is the expression from the higher devotees.

They’re not thinking, “Oh, how wonderful it would be to be...” They’re saying, “No. Without my guru, then what would I be doing there? It’s a plane of service. Only in connection with the higher servitors, would we have any realistic connection. So, he’s saying, “My life now is of no value. And what’s more valuable than my life? Vṛndāvana. That plane.” Because we’re talking about cinmaya. Spiritually conscious substance, enriched with the highest dedicating tendency: That’s of no value to me, without You.” And then one more.
Goes even further by saying… And in Guru Mahārāja’s words, “I know this is a shameful thing to say, but without you, Kṛṣṇa to me is a dreadful thing.” Not just of no value, or what would… saying, “He’s a dreadful thing without.” That’s why he says baka. Bakāri. Bakāri means Kṛṣṇa who’s the killer of bakāsura. Means, that demon-killer. That’s not the… I only get the sweetness of Kṛṣṇa in connection with you. That sweet Kṛṣṇa, the possibility of that life of sweet service life with Kṛṣṇa. Without you, it’s not real. It’s not possible and I’m… Kṛṣṇa’s fearful to me. Scary. That’s what he’s saying. And so, Guru Mahārāja’s saying this is a direct prayer to Rādhārāṇī, as being the epitome of guru conception. So, in these various ways, Guru Mahārāja is explaining, expressing what sort of sentiments descend into the heart of a devotee, of a disciple.
That, they can’t go on, but yet, this is the paradox. They must go on. Then, we’re told, sometimes, āvirbhāva, tirobhāva. Āvirbhāva, appearance, tirobhāva, disappearance. As Guru Mahārāja said, “We don’t say ‘died’. There’s appearance day, disappearance day. Prakaṭa, aprakaṭa.”

The vaiṣṇavas appear within this plane for some time, and withdraw from this plane, but they’re constantly in the upper world, in the spiritual service domain, but by their grace, their mercy, they move in this plane for some time, and to awaken our serving potential, so Guru Mahārāja will say, “Then, if we have some fidelity, faithfulness to guru, then by affections force, the force of our love an affection for him will draw us toward that plane where he’s permanently situated, and that will be demonstrated, the fidelity. Faithfulness will be demonstrated in the absence, direct association with śrī guru, how we carry on, and follow his instructions, his wishes, his desires.”
Just as he demonstrated with regard to Guru Mahārāja. And he said in that regard that… he said, “I’ve done everything that you’ve asked of me.” But knowing that that time of disappearance of Guru Mahārāja was approaching, he was saying, “Please, don’t ask this from me. I’ve done everything you asked. But, the one thing I’m asking you is not to withdraw yourself from this plane.”
But we saw when what particularly comes to my mind, Guru Mahārāja had this desire, this long-cherished desire that Mahāprabhu and Nityānanda prabhu would have water-sports... pastimes in Govinda-kuṇḍa. And we know for the longest time, Govinda-kuṇḍa was like a pond across the street from the maṭha. With a… was more conceptual in Guru Mahārāja’s divine consciousness, but what we saw in this plane, it had a little entrance way, and was for the most part, a pond.

And Keṣṭha prabhu, the… who had self-identified, when he’d be introduced, he’d say, “Guru Mahārāja’s cow man! * laughs *” And he always had a stick in his hand, and a gāmachā, and a Heineken T-shirt. He was like, from another world. But he’d go, “Guru Mahārāja’s cow man! * laughs *” and be tapping cows, and like, he would herd everyday. Herd all and... all the maṭha… previously herd all the cows out the front gate. In the Govinda-kuṇḍa, bathe them all and then herd them back to the gośālā. That was like our primary way of understanding Govinda-kuṇḍa.
But Guru Mahārāja had this desire that Gaura-Nityānanda would have like water-sports there someday. And Gurudeva knew about this and it could not be realized for so many years. Then Śrīla Ācārya Mahārāja came, and he I think cleverly understood, “This will be very pleasing to Gurudeva, and Guru Mahārāja.” He took up that sevā, and we know that they… first to make a little temple in the center of Govinda-kuṇḍa, and then, you know steps and to express it’s glories in this world, first it was required to drain the kuṇḍa.
Really it’s fed by the Gaṅgā from underground, nearby, but that was done, but when it came time to establish the foundation, it was not so easy. And, I think also of Jagadānanda prabhu there, like covered in… head to toe in mud, and he used to work on those oil rigs. What do they call them? Roughnecks. Because you have to hold the thing and like… he had some experience doing those things before, and somehow they couldn’t do that.

You know, no matter what they tried, and then Gurudeva said… came up with the spiritual solution, said, “If we…” Lakṣmī-Varāha are on the altar, and it’s Koladvīpa, there’s some background to that, but he starting thinking, if the Kūrma-avatāra… how the devas and the asuras, they’re trying to churn the kṣīra-sāgara, the milk ocean, and they’re having some foundational problems also, how to do that. So, they prayed. The Kūrma-avatāra, He appears in the form of a giant turtle, tortoise, and then with Him in the water, then they could put the mandara hill on His back. He, on the plea of, He has an itch that He cannot reach, on the center of His back, they put a mountain on. These are divine pastimes. He’s rather large. They put a mountain on His back, wrap a celestial serpent around the mountain and then they start churning the milk ocean, and Kūrmadeva, He’s getting some relief, like, “Ah.” But His sigh of relief is generating the Vedas. These are the pastimes of the Person... One of the pastimes. The infinite, innumerable pastimes of the Personality of Godhead.
Anyway, so Gurudeva said, “Worship Kūrmadeva. And with this mantram, pṛṣṭhe bhrāmyad amanda-mandara-giri-grāvāgra-kaṇḍūyanān.” [Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam 12.13.2] etc. and they did. And lo and behold, the next day, the pile, they took root and they were able to establish the foundation. And then, by this time there was just Mahāprabhu, and Gurudeva, they took Mahāprabhu from Guru Mahārāja’s samādhī, and He went on the boat ride and He had water-sports pastimes in Govinda-kuṇḍa, and then returned to the samādhī.
And at that time, I was next to Śrīla Gurudeva, and he spoke in a conversational voice to Śrīla Guru Mahārāja. He said, “Your Divine Grace’s long-cherished desire, that Mahāprabhu would engage in water pastimes in Govinda-kuṇḍa has been realized, fulfilled.” So, then I could understand, this was… and Ācārya Mahārāja gets the credit as the servitor, the head servitor organizing that sevā, but Gurudeva was… it was from his heart, an offering to Śrīla Guru Mahārāja. And I saw, so after all of these years, when Guru Mahārāja expressed his desire, it might’ve been 40-50 years before, but it never left his heart, that, “This was the desire of my Gurudeva.” And that opportunity came, and I saw, it’s something living.
It was not, “Oh, just from long ago.” But it was… In his heart, the orders of Guru Mahārāja are playing perpetually, eternally in a real and living way. Just as Guru Mahārāja records in the song, the poem nikhila-bhuvana māyā nikhila-bhuvana-māyā-chinna-vicchinna-kartrī. The last line, he says: vilasatu hṛdi nityaṁ bhaktisiddhānta-vāṇī. “May his words play in our hearts, eternally.” Right?

That’s... here, vilāsa means to play upon. Vilasatu hṛdi nityaṁ, means eternally in our hearts. So, this connection with guru is really tested. We experience separation in the lifetime of guru, actually. Every disciple is not with the guru all the time. But, particularly after the disappearance, Guru Mahārāja said, then the real test comes. How we stand. How will we demonstrate that faithfulness? He said, “That I’m a disciple in show, or really a disciple?” Following the order of the guru.
So, we saw with Śrīla Gurudeva, he’s never actually bringing the praise or pratiṣṭhā to himself, but everything is based upon the promotion of Śrīla Guru Mahārāja. He’s always accepting disciples and engaging them in the service of Guru Mahārāja. They will say, “No, we’re trying to serve you.” But, for him, that’s a given. He’s saying, “No. I’m conducting the...” He can accept that he’s the lead servitor of Guru Mahārāja. That’s how far he can go. Even in his title, President-Sevaite Ācāryya. To be the ācārya of the maṭha, from his consideration is a service. He’s doing at the request of Śrīla Guru Mahārāja. But it is all meant for promoting the glories of Śrīla Guru Mahārāja, and anyone who will come to him and offer themselves in service to Guru Mahārāja, and his words, sometimes they make us shudder to hear, but he’d say, “I become their slave.”

“If someone comes to serve Guru Mahārāja, earnestly, sincerely, under my… I become the slave of that devotee.” And we saw sometimes with ourselves, and with others, Śrīla Gurudeva being so merciful and forgiving and generous, and sometimes we think, “Why? We’re undeserving!” And from a zone we’re to take, “You promoted the glories of Śrīla Guru Mahārāja in this world. So I’m eternally indebted to you.” Or like, “You’re exempt because you’re spreading the glories of my Guru Mahārāja.” That’s how you understand who a real disciple is.
There, we’re told, “'kanaka-kāminī,' 'pratiṣṭhā...” [Duṣṭa-mana, Verse 11] Pratiṣṭhā is all… we’re saved. These three things can have a devastating effect upon the aspiring servitor. But, how are we saved from that? Kanaka: Lakṣmī, for Nārāyāṇa. Kāminī for Kṛṣṇa. Pratiṣṭhā, name and fame offered to guru. To the lotus feet of guru. And they’re not doing that, only like, “Oh, save me from that!” No. Really it is their mood, to promote the glories of their gurudeva.
So, always Śrīla Gurudeva demonstrated this, and personified this sort of consideration. That I find the parallels in what is expressed by Śrīla Rūpa Gosvāmī Prabhu in the Lalitāṣṭakam, where he’s glorifying Lalitā devī, who we know, she’s Anurādhā, she’s Rādhārāṇī’s proxy. If we go, and we say Rādhārāṇī is the ultimate conception of guru, then that means next to that, Lalitā. Mahāprabhu, Svarūpa Dāmodara. And in glorifying Lalitā… and Rūpa Gosvāmī’s the best, most qualified to glorify Lalitā because it goes from Rādhārāṇī to Lalitā to Rūpa. Really. And it’s,
rādhā-mukunda-pada-sambhava-gharma-bindu-
nirmañchanopakaraṇī-kṛta-deha-lakṣām
uttuṅga-sauhṛda-viśeṣa-bharāt pragalbhāṁ
devīṁ guṇaiḥ su-lalitāṁ lalitāṁ namāmi
[Śrī Stava-mālā Volume Six, Text 1]

He’s… it’s an aṣṭakam, but he’s in one verse saying… He’s going to identify what are unique traits, qualities, characteristics of her, and her persona, servitor persona. He says rādhā-mukunda-pada-sambhava-gharma-bindu, that in the service world of Rādhā and Kṛṣṇa, her responsibility is to see that not the least disturbance will enter that plane.
Now, we’ve heard there are those who are praised and rightfully so, as... with… because of their demonstrated willingness to sacrifice themselves for a cause. For the greater good. To sacrifice themselves for others. Right? So, one life being sacrificed for the many; that’s noble, laudible. It’s praised everywhere in the world, but here, Rūpa Gosvāmī’s saying what’s very unique about Lalitā devī is uttuṅga-sauhṛda-viśeṣa… gharma-bindu-nirmañchanopakaraṇī-kṛta-deha-lakṣām. Here, she’s expanding herself into more than one servitor. To hundreds of thousands, or millions of servitors to do the sevā.

So, if we think of this in military terms, there’s one soldier, they’re willing to give their life for a cause. So, we say, “That’s great. That’s wonderful. That’s the spirit.” But, here’s this… Rūpa Gosvāmī, “Here’s another soldier who becomes 100,000 soldiers, or a million.” We think, “How valuable is that type of soldier?” This soldier can become a million soldiers who can sacrifice their life for the cause. That’s what Rūpa Gosvāmī’s saying, that Lalitā devī, she’s like that. That’s why, in the other verse, he’ll say yāṁ kām api vraja-kule… prekṣya... ...mānām. Where he’s saying, she’s canvassing others in Vṛndāvana.
Just think. They’re al… these… they’re already mahābhāgavatas. The man on the street is not walking around in Vṛndāvana. Only the highest type of liberated souls are you know, bees there, what to speak of those who are walking around in Vṛndāvana. And we hear, Lalitā-sakhī is calling, you know, canvassing them. Some… in some instances taking them from one rasa, into her group. This is inconceivable. And we’re also told, some of them are also approaching her to enter her group.
So, Śrīla Gurudeva, he’s like that. The way she’s prepared to expand herself that not the least disturbance will enter the plane of divine pastimes of Rādhā and Kṛṣṇa, Gurudeva, he sees Guru Mahārāja as Rādhārāṇī’s delegation in that plane, and he’s doing all the service. Like Guru Mahārāja’s on the veranda here. Gurudeva’s moving on the plane of service of the Caitanya Sarasvat Math, and expanding himself by accepting these other servitors in service to Guru Mahārāja. Like that. So, her… and he also finds some special resonance in his heart for Unchagaon, Lalitabar, when we go to the house of Lalitā devī in Vṛndāvana, that was the place that had some special resonance in the heart of Śrīla Gurudeva. And we can say, interesting that he also shows her type of qualities in his service to his gurudeva.

So, these are some things I submit for your consideration with regard to the devotional persona of His Divine Grace, but I don’t want to take all this time, because there are disciples, direct disciples of Śrīla Gurudeva here; principally Śrīmatī Bhakti-latā-devī dāsī. Also Amiya’s hiding in the back, Śuddha Kṛṣṇa prabhu. But I think it appropriate, you’ll speak next, then Śuddha Kṛṣṇa prabhu, Amiya, and the others if they wish.

BLDD: So, nurturing to hear from Śrīla Gosvāmī Mahārāja. He was there with Śrīla Gurudeva when he was in the background, humbly serving Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja, and was shaken by Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja, when he goes that Gosvāmī Mahārāja would support him, and see in all the pastimes with them together and can teach us so much and give us insight into our guru’s teachings.
And, when we were with our Śrīla Gurudeva actually, he was so far beyond us. A paramahaṁsa-vaiṣṇava, a rāga-bhakta, and a lot of times, we couldn’t understand his ways, his teachings, what he wanted to say, what he meant to say, what we were supposed to do, so we always took shelter of Gosvāmī Mahārāja and the other senior devotees and sannyāsīs and ācāryas, who could help us understand our guru’s teachings.
And this is a very heavy day for some of us. And to… always reliving especially the early mornings… seven-year anniversary of Gurudeva’s disappearance in the very early morning hours. Left, withdrew from this world. For those of us who were there, we could see that it wasn’t an ordinary departure from this world. It was His Divine Grace going into meditation and voluntarily withdrawing himself from this world. And seven-year anniversary today. And Joni Mitchell comes to mind that “You don’t...
BSG: ...know what you’ve got ‘till it’s gone.”

BLDD: When we’ve lost something, then we can start to understand what we’ve lost. We don’t always understand in the beginning. In so many ways we feel bereft and orphaned, but we’ve been given so much, and we’re going on and… in separation, and together with his devotees, that union is there, and knowing what would please His Divine Grace, we try to carry on in that thread, in his association, with his devotees, with his teachings, and doing our best every day to give our hearts, and be like he was, loving and affectionate to every last soul that came across his personal presence and in his circle and in his grand family, all over the world.
That’s always one of the most amazing things, to see from the very earlier days, 1991 when I came, it was before Gurudeva started his world-tours. The maṭha was small at that time, very few members and like a little family at the Caitanya Sarasvata Matha, gurudeva walking his dogs and not exactly leaving Navadvīpa very much. Sometimes going to Calcutta, but based in Navadvīpa in those days. And what personal family dealing we shared with him.

And that never changed as the mission grew, and he travelled the world, and made thousands and thousands and thousands of more disciples and centered around the world, and published so many books, and the mission expanded to every corner of the world, that personal feeling and that family spirit, and those affectionate dealings were never lost. We can still feel that today, and we can feel that is coming from our Gurudeva, and was very… and Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja; they were very personal with each and everyone. And we want to continue that mood and that atmosphere can continue and everyone can feel it and get that home comfort that was given from our gurus and especially to the extreme in our Śrīla Gurudeva, Śrīla Bhakti Sundara Govindadeva Gosvāmī Mahārāja.
So, today we’re very blessed to be here remembering him and we know how important it is to make special offerings. Gurudeva, I used to tell him he was the king of foodies. He liked to eat. And he’d always would see what everyone’s reaction was when he asked, “What should I eat?” And everyone would start naming things: “No. No. No. No...” But there were one or two that always knew what he would want at that particular time. But he made a point that on my disappearance festival, “I will sit in the trees and watch what they’re offering me.”

“I’ll sit and see what they cooked. Each and every preparation, I will take notice of, and I will taste everything.” And he mentioned this years before he disappeared, that this was very important to him. So we take this very seriously this day, and it’s a cooking day, and special offerings should be made all over the world, and everyone has to learn how to make ‘smashed potatoes’ Smashed potato balls with masalā and mustard oil. And Śuddha Kṛṣṇa prabhu made his famous khicuṙī that came from Vaiṣṇava Mahārāja’s recipe.
BSG: Hare Kṛṣṇa
BLDD: And vanilla ice cream. Vanilla ice cream is always on the menu. So her cooks are all working very hard as usual in the kitchen, and we hope Śrīla Gurudeva will be very pleased with his offerings. Now we would like to hear from Śuddha Kṛṣṇa prabhu, who is Gurudeva’s direct disciple. You can say a few words.
BSG: Hare Kṛṣṇa.
ŚKD: Mahārāja. Jaya Śrīla Gurudeva!
BSG: Speak up a little bit.

ŚKD: Jaya Śrīla Gurudeva, and all the vaiṣṇava devotees of the Lord, and our guru-varga. I just feel extremely blessed and fortunate that I was able that somehow I contacted, or he contacted me. It was actually the same time that Avadhūta Mahārāja met Śrīla Gurudeva in New York City, back in the early ‘90s, and he gave me a hug. I was already engaged in another mission, and as he was leaving the airport, me and my friend Advaita were there, and we offered our namastes, praṇāms, and he took a step forward and gave us both a hug.
And that inconceivable… I think that was some sukṛti that went a long ways. It brought me closer, and I did take initiation from him a few years later and I was sitting in Dum Dum Park. We were reading Caitanya-caritāmṛta with Sarvabhāvana and some other devotees in the Brahmacārī āśrama. Gurudeva was there, and I was mentioning this; we were talking about ajñāta-sukṛti, and I was mentioning how “Ten years previous, I’d been hugged by Śrīla Gurudeva, but he’s never hugged me since.” The next day, I’m ready to go back to the West, and I go in and offer daṇḍavāts to Gurudeva. And he says, “Prabhu.” He calls me towards him, and then he gives me a big hug. He says, “Jaya Guru Mahārāja!” And he gives me a big hug.
And when that happens, I feel like I was hugged by the whole disciplic succession, and with the help of Gosvāmī Mahārāja’s understanding of how this whole process works, that’s what’s happening, you know? It’s like being hugged by Kṛṣṇa. And, I just want to say... one other thing that I want to express is how Gurudeva’s last time he was in Navadvīpa. I was there. My mother had recently passed away, I brought her ashes to the Ganges and had a ceremony and that was very auspicious, and Gurudeva was right there on his veranda. And, I was trying to jockey my way into making an offering of this khicuṙī that Śrutaśravā, Vaiṣṇava Mahārāja had told me how to make some khicuṙī many years ago, and I wanted to make an offering to him, a personal offering for his lunch.

And Raṇajita said… for days I’d been trying to get this and I wasn’t able to. Paramahaṁsa Kṛṣṇa Svāmī had filled the slot like five minutes before, and like, “Okay.” I backed off. He was only there in Navadvīpa for a few more days, and then that was the last time he was ever in Navadvīpa in this form, but today, by the mercy of the vaiṣṇavas, Lalitā devī, Bhakti-lalitā-devī, and Gosvāmī Mahārāja, Avadhūta Mahārāja, having this conscious facility to daily make an offering to our guru-varga, to my beloved Gurudeva, I had an opportunity to make some khicuṙī that is being offered on Gurudeva’s disappearance day.
And I see my Gurudeva in the presence of these vaiṣṇavas that are here, specifically Avadhūta Mahārāja and Gosvāmī Mahārāja, and Bhakti-lalitā-devī and all the devotees that give me an opportunity to engage in my Gurudeva’s service. Without this opportunity, I would not have an opportunity to continue progressing in service opportunity. And so, I just feel grateful for having had the opportunity in this world, in this lifetime to make the personal connection with Śrīla Gurudeva.
And I continue to stay connected with him through his vāṇī; I listen to his lectures all the time, every day, but also his servitors give me some practical access to his continued service. Without that, then I’m definitely lost. Anyways, it’s… I feel there’s… I’ve never met anyone like Śrīla Govinda Mahārāja in my whole life. He had all the qualities of a vaiṣṇava, and the humility, the tolerance, and being transcendentally situated in bliss all of the time.

So, that is a great loss to not have his presence in this world, yet, we can see all the great vaiṣṇavas, that their spiritual… their guru, their spiritual preceptor disappeared. So we have to deal with it, and I deal with it by the association of the senior vaiṣṇavas, and that’s by Kṛṣṇa’s mercy. I somehow or other thank all of you for giving me an opportunity to be here right now, and that’s all I have to share.
BSG: Hare Kṛṣṇa. Amiya-sindhu prabhu, then.

ASD: Well, I feel very embarrassed to speak after Gosvāmī Mahārāja, Bhakti-lalitā, in the presence of the devotees, but if they want me to say something, I have to. I remember when Gurudeva passed away, I had this feeling that from now on, the future is in the past. So, if I want something real to happen in future, then I have to go deeper in the past, in the connection that we have with Śrīla Gurudeva. And, this I’m just praying that I will be able to survive as a devotee and disciple of Śrīla Gurudeva and his devotees.
And what comes to my mind is I remember that I was connected with the construction of Śrīla Gurudeva’s samādhī mandira, and the workers, they were doing something different. They did this thing different, that thing different, and Avadhūta Mahārāja who had this plan made, and who put so much mind into how to make it, he was feeling very worried about this, “Oh, this they’re doing wrong, this they’re doing wrong.” But then he said one thing that actually I will always remember. He said, “That actually doesn’t matter. Śrīla Gurudeva is greatest vaiṣṇava, and everything connected to him to him will be perfect. So even if the workers, they will do everything wrong, because it’s Śrīla Gurudeva’s samādhī, because it’s connected to him, it has to be perfect.”

And now I see like going, so many times to India, I try to see the architecture, I try to see the things. And I see that, “Oh, maybe it’s like from some architectural point, it’s not maybe perfect, but I can see that actually it is perfect. It is just divine because it is connected to Śrīla Gurudeva, and everything that is connected to him, everything becoming perfect, everything becoming like… have this divinity in the background, this divine light, divine something, divine inspiration is there.

And this whole family thing we have, this absolutely magical, absolutely just indescribable thing, this is Gurudeva’s magic behind everything. And, I spoke with Śrīla Gurudeva maybe twice, like very small conversations, and one time I came, I was leaving India, and Gurudeva, he wasn’t having any visitors, for a couple weeks maybe; his health was so bad. So we came in and we were just sitting there, and they pushed me like in front, like, “Now.” And I had to sit in front of Śrīla Gurudeva, and we were sitting like for just like, maybe ten minutes, and then Śrīla Gurudeva, he starts apologizing. He said, “Oh, my health is very bad. I cannot talk.”
And then I said, “Śrīla Gurudeva, you don’t have to talk. Just sitting in front of you, just sitting in front of you, just seeing you, our whole life is being transformed, and not only this life, like millions of lifetimes before, everything’s being transformed. Just seeing, just being in front of you, just remembering about you.”
And he said, “Yes. This is my fortune.”
(Laughter)
So this is our fortune, even more. So, jaya Śrīla Gurudeva, and jaya all the devotees.
BSG: Hare Kṛṣṇa. Anyone?
BLDD: Anyone wants to speak? Anyone wants to say anything? (indistinct)
You want to say something?
BSG: Hare Kṛṣṇa.
BLDD: I hand it back to you, now. We’re getting ready for puṣpāñjali.

BSG: As you said, you’re reminding me that the last time I was with Śrīla Guru Mahārāja and we could understand this was most likely the last time that I would see him in this plane, and he’s giving parting instructions, and said many different things and I thought that that was finished, and then usually when leaving Nava… I’d go to Guru Mahārāja’s room. He’d have someone take Bhaktisiddhānta Sarasvati Ṭhākura’s garland, put the garland on me, and like you said, give that embrace that would nourish you for lifetimes, considered so fortunate to get that embrace, but this time, Guru Mahārāja was very sick, and lying on his bed and he said to me you know, “Gosvāmī Mahārāja, I want to tell you something.” So I leaned. Because his voice was very weak at this time, too. He said, “Come closer.” So I moved a little closer. And, he said… And I’m already like… and he said, “No. I want you to come closer.” And so now I’m… we’re like this, and Guru Mahārāja, he grabbed me by my shoulders and he started shaking me, like that.

Not hard, but like push, shaking. So, I’m going, and he said, “It is my heart’s sincere earnest desire that you will assist Govinda Mahārāja.”
And I was going, “Yes, Mahārāja.”
And he said, “It is my heart…” Three times. “It is my heart’s sincere earnest desire that you will assist Govinda Mahārāja.”
Like, he’s shaking this into me.
“My heart’s inner sincere utmost earnest desire, you will serve Govinda Mahārāja, and assist him.”
So, I consider it my inconceivable good fortune to, if in any way, that Śrīla Gurudeva would consider myself, and say, ourselves as his assistants in the service of Śrīla Guru Mahārāja, then we have some hope. Our life has some meaning, and as he would say, “And our future prospect is so bright.”
If we can just stay focused on that, and understand that whatever we might do locally, be asked to do relatively speaking, we offer ourselves in that service. Not to be so rivited to what that is literally or objectively, but to understand its connected to him, and as as Amiya prabhu was saying, and that means it will be perfect. He will make it perfect.
We live in an imperfect world, we’re imperfect people. Right? Everything we do is faulty on some level, but he has that capacity to convert it into perfection. It’s being offered up to Guru Mahārāja, and Guru Mahārāja to Sarasvati Ṭhākura, Bhaktivindoda Ṭhākura. It enters that plane.
And like we speak of cooking. Guru Mahārāja, one of his examples was like, you take your you know, whatever you have a potato, you could do something with that yourself. You give it to the qualified, the gourmet, the super chef, and they turn that, what was just raw, some raw ingredient, they turn it into some inconceivably nectarine substance. That’s their capa... That’s what he does. We’re raw at best. Raw ingredients. We think. We shouldn’t be thinking, “Oh, I’d like to do this.” Or “I see myself doing this.” You know? What? You don’t even know who you are. They do.

He would look at us. When he said, smiling and like radiant as ever, thinking of our future prospect, and he’d say, “Oh, you don’t know how bright your future is.” I believed him. I still believe him. I believe in him. I don’t believe in myself, and I’m able to do this, and I have this. I have nothing.
That’s what the song says. yogyatā-vicāre, kichu nāhi pāi. [Śaraṇāgati: Bhajana-lālasā, Song 11] If you examine me, you’ll see there’s nothing there. And if you think, “Well, no. A little something...” No. Nothing. Nothing of value, but you can make me into something of value if you will use me.
So, that Guru Mahārāja would say that to assist him, the honor of being an assistant of Śrīla Gurudeva, and his service to Śrīla Guru Mahārāja who’s the rūpānuga-dhara as certified by Sarasvati Ṭhākura. I remember the day when Śrīla Puri Mahārāja was visiting. He would visit Guru Mahārāja, and he was saying… he turned, I’m sitting and he goes to Guru… “Rūpānuga-dhara! Rūpānuga-dhara!” And I’d never heard this expression at that time. And he expressed so much appreciation and left, and went back to his maṭha. He was visiting, and then I said to Guru Mahārāja, like “Puri Mahārāja was saying Rūpānuga-dhara. What does that mean?” And Guru Mahārāja was a little shy, embarrassed to like… he said, “Oh, it means who is carrying the current of Rūpa Gosvāmī.”
“Your Godbrother can offer that type of praise to you? This is not ordinary. This is not saying, ‘Ah, he’s a wonderful...’ I mean, none of it should be, but to… this is not said to anyone. This is only said to one person. He’s saying, ‘I saw.’ Because he’s the person in the pastime. He has the right to say this. And the humility to say that because he was singing Śrī Rupa…”

Tīrtha Mahārāja asked. Sarasvati Ṭhākura said, “I want to hear Śrīdhara Mahārāja sing Śrī Rūpa mañjari pāda.” and Guru Mahārāja is shy. He’s hesitating, and Tīrtha Mahārāja’s thinking like it’s an awkward silence. And like, “Oh, then...” Puri Mahārāja, who was a great kīrtanīya, and “You sing.”
And he starts singing, Sarasvati Ṭhākura stopped him. And what I’m saying is in his humility, he tells this story. And then Sarasvati Ṭhākura, “No. I want to hear from him.” From Guru Mahārāja, and it’s Puri Mahārāja, “We witnessed this mystic power transmission of the Rūpānuga line from Sarasvati Ṭhākura to Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja.”
So that Rūpānuga-dhara, that for his… you know, when I would see these books like Dignity of the Divine Servitor, I would think “Well that’s Govinda Mahārāja.” It’s supposed to be a book by him about, you know devotional service, and I say, “Actually, he is that.” The Dignity of the Divine Servitor is personified in him because he’s always and only the servitor, the sevaite of Śrīla Guru Mahārāja. That he will accept.
If we say, these other things, he may say, “Yes prabhu, that is my fortune.” But if we say, “How do you see yourself?” He’d say, “As Guru Mahārāja’s. The one who’s leading the service to Guru Mahārāja.” So that that person can accept us as on some level assisting him in that service, that is our eternal good fortune. And it’s still there.

And this day is painful, from some point of view, but it’s being around Gurudeva, he’d make you feel something. Being around him, he’s going to grab your heart and squeeze it. You’re going to feel something. If you have some real association with Śrīla Govinda Mahārāja, it’s going to be a ride that goes up, has this type of thing. He’s going to… like sometimes he was driving his servitors mad, and the only way I could adjust it, I was thinking, “This is what it must be like to be in Kṛṣṇa-līlā.” Just madness of the heart.
That, out of this love and affection for him, he’s breaking your heart, tearing it apart and reassembling you as a servitor if you can withstand the pull. Because that’s what he knows. He knows you only give everything. Nothing less than everything to guru, and he personified that so he could demand it of others. It’s a demanding plane.
Kṛṣṇa doesn’t say, “I’ve got a suggestion. Why don’t you give everything?” No. He said, sarva-dharmān pari… Give up everything. Surrender to Me. Forget all these other things you think are important. Just give all that up and surrender to Me. That’s the ultimate consideration. And we see, the genuine vaiṣṇavas, they represent that plane. It’s more than a suggestion. It’s a demand, but it’s a demand they have the right for because they themselves personify that.
They don’t show anything less. So, on this day we can’t properly glorify him. We try as best as we can, but we’re only left at last with the words of Narottama Ṭhākura. We’ll sing the ye ānilo prema-dhana song, [Sapārṣada-bhagavad-viraha-janita-vilāpa, Song 1] and then offer puṣpāñjali, while reciting Śrīla Gurudeva’s praṇām mantram, as composed by Śrīla Guru Mahārāja.
Hare Kṛṣṇa.
Jaya Śrīla Bhakti Sundara Govindadeva Gosvāmī Mahārāja tirobhāva mahā-mahotsava-tithi kī, jaya!
[sings]

ye ānila prema-dhana karuṇā pracura
heno prabhu kathā gelā ācārya-ṭhākura
kāhā mora svarūpa rūpa kāhā sanātana
kāhā dāsa raghunātha patita-pāvana
kāhā mora bhaṭṭa-yuga kāhā kavirāja
eka-kāle kathā gelā gaurā naṭa-rāja
pāṣāṇe kuṭiba māthā anale paśiba…